My babes

My babies are quickly becoming just about anything but babies. I've felt a little panicky lately, felt like I'm running out of time, felt like I haven't given them what they need, felt like I haven't done it right. I feel like there is so much more that I should have taught them and should have done with them. I know in reality I have many many years left with them but lately I just feel so out of time....

Gavin is now 15 months old and doing so great. Kinda strange to think that when Tayla was Gavin's age now I already had another baby!! For the slow start and the many problems that we've had with Gavin and his growth and development he is doing great. At 15 months he is walking quite a bit and by choice, although he still realizes that he can get to his destination MUCH faster if he just crawls. He is a very speedy crawler! He has been going to a music class once a week and loves it and is making lots of fun friends. He loves his big sister and always wants to play with her. He is still a great eater and sleeper and such a joy to have around. He has the funniest personality and will do so many crazy things to get a laugh. He is such a silly kid, he is always making me laugh. He still is a very tolerant and content boy considering what he puts up with from his big sis;) He loves to snuggle with me and I cherish every second of that. I know that's gonna end sooner than I want. He's grown a lot considering what he was but he's still really tiny for his age. Saving us money on clothes though:) He's in 6-12 month clothes still and still only wears a size 2 diaper! His favorite word is "Hi" and I hear it over and over and over all day long! He loves to put things in something else and has an amazing attention span for a 15 months old! He will focus for a really long time. His therapist and I are constantly amazed at how truly smart he is and how quickly he will figure things out. He is so much fun and I can't imagine life without him. He is my saving grace when I get so frustrated and worn out with the "terrible twos". He is my breath of fresh air; I'm jealous of his innocence and the obliviousness that he is able to have. I wish I could freeze time so that he could stay carefree and unaffected....Love him more than words can describe!



Tayla is my little me. I see so much of myself in her and she is always trying to do everything just like mommy. She is now officially two and a half (even though most people think she's 4 by appearance!) She has such a caring, loving personality. She gets very concerned when Gavin (or any other baby she sees) is crying. She has started to try to comfort Gavin by saying "It's okay Gavin. It's okay. Honey, honey, shhh, shhh. It's okay buddy." It's so cute! She always has a babydoll nearby that she is caring for or often has put down for a nap causing us to all whisper:) Unfortunately she's been pretty traumatized by some recent events and has really needed me a lot. She's going to start some therapy that hopefully will help both her and I. We've had to readjust certain things and I have had to be very careful about raising my voice to her at all. She's become very sensitive to yelling and anger and sometimes even shuts down. We're working on it though and slowly but surely things seem to be improving. Due to all of this she has been very attached to me and has a really hard time being away from me for anything, especially if it's away from home. She seems to be loving the cold weather lately as she gets really excited about tights, sweaters, jackets and big warm blankets.....even when it's not really that cold. She loves to "get" pretty but is just as happy in her jammies all day. She is my little hoarder too! If I can't find something I have learned now to check all of Taylas purses. Anything she finds that she likes or thinks is kinda cool she will stash it in her purse that she carries around all day! I have found all kinds of things in her purse that had been missing for quite some time! She has been amazing me and how smart she is with reading people's emotions and picking up on non verbal ques. She is very aware of the different emotions and understands what is going on around her more than most kids her age would. She is beginning to have opinions about what she wears and loves to do things herself to be a big girl. She loves Gavin so much and is always trying to get him to do things with her. She is my sweet girl, my little helper, and my hugs and kisses when I'm lonely. She really is so much like me (which scares me in someways;)). I don't know what I would do with out her I know shes gonna turn into my little right hand gal. She is so sweet and I cherish every night we get to fall asleep snuggling together. She is my angel and my motivation for just about everything I do. I love her to pieces!

Things have been really hard lately, we have been struggling in just about every area of life that you can imagine. My two sweet babies keep me going though. I know that someday we'll be okay. I know that all this is for a reason, even if I can't possibly understand why. I know that we will get through it. I know that we will be blessed. I know that when we're together we're happy. And while it doesn't ever seem like enough and I feel guilt about it all the time I keep telling myself that I'm doing the best that I am able at this point. I'm so grateful for my 2 sweet blessings and love them more than anything in the world!